


Let Me In

by WistfulGhostWriter



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Ouch, that shit hurted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29954394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WistfulGhostWriter/pseuds/WistfulGhostWriter
Summary: Alex understood, she knew how hard it was to lower the walls they built for the outside world. The walls they had been forced to build. And she knew Olivia especially had more than her fair share of demons.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	Let Me In

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is a bit far from the usual fluff that I post on here... and I was in a really funny headspace the day I wrote it so I apologize for the ouchies but I promise Liv makes it better at the end. You'll see <3 Enjoy and, as always, thank you for reading! xo
> 
> Originally posted on Tumblr.

“I can’t help you if you don’t let me in,” Alex murmured, eyes set on the plate in front of her, though at this point she was just pushing her food around her plate. 

“I don’t need help, Alex. I’m fine,” Olivia replied, and though her tone was neutral, Alex could physically feel the shutdown. Could feel Olivia pulling away. Could feel the rejection. 

And it stung. She put her fork down and finally looked up. Olivia was looking down at her plate, fork in her hand though she wasn’t eating. Her shoulders were tense and Alex could see the movement in Olivia’s jaw signaling that she was grinding her teeth. 

“Liv, I’m not saying you have to talk to me right now. I’m saying-“ Alex sighed, paused, wishing Olivia would look up at her. “I’m saying give me  _ something _ . Let me know what you’re thinking at least.”

“This pasta is terrible cold,” Olivia replied dryly and Alex rolled her eyes and scoffed, setting her silverware down with a loud clank. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“I don’t get what you want from me Alex,” Olivia replied, finally looking up. “I told you that I’m fine.”

“Yes I know what you  _ said  _ Olivia,” Alex replied shortly, standing and picking up her plate. “But what you said and how you’re acting are two different things.” 

“I can go.” 

Alex wanted to scream. How was it possible that she could love someone so much and want to kill them all at the same time? She took a deep breath, setting her plate by the sink before turning back to Olivia. “I don’t want you to leave Liv. I want you to  _ talk to me _ . Let me in! How do you expect any of this to work if you don’t ever  _ talk _ to me?” 

She watched as Olivia stood, the brunette running a hand roughly through her already disheveled hair. “Tonight was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.”

Alex threw her hands up in the air. “Whatever Olivia. Keep running from your problems, let me know how it goes for you.” She turned, scraping what was left of her dinner into a Tupperware before washing and setting on the drying rack. 

“I don’t run from anything Alex.”

Alex laughed and it sounded cold even to her ears but she couldn’t stop it now. She dried her hands, turning back to Olivia. “What do you call shutting down every time I ask you how you’re doing? What about coming here angry or upset and instead of talking about it we just  _ fuck  _ until you get it out of your system?” 

Alex noted the surprise on Olivia’s face, the pain that crossed her features. But it was too late to stop now. “What do you call getting up to pour a shot when you think I’m asleep and then not coming back to bed for hours? Are you ‘fine’ when you’re doing that Olivia?” 

“I didn’t think-“

“That I would notice?” Alex interrupted, throwing down the drying rag in her hands. “Well, I do. I notice when you pull away from me, I notice when you shut down, change the subject, avoid talking to me at all. How do you expect this to work if you can’t even  _ talk _ to me?” 

There was a long, heavy silence, the sounds of the city and the rain drumming on the windows the only things that could be heard. 

Alex took another breath, the emotions building in her chest and burning at the back of her eyes. “I want this to work Liv, but it has to go both ways. If all you want is a bed to fall into at night… I can’t be that for you. I wouldn’t survive it.” The tears finally fell as she looked back up at Olivia, hating that she was crying but not being able to help it anymore. “I love you too much to just be a good lay.”

“Is that what you think you are to me?” Olivia asked and her voice was so small that Alex almost wanted to take it all back. Wanted to just walk over and kiss Olivia and pretend it never happened. They’d done it before. 

But she couldn’t, not this time. 

“That’s what it feels like sometimes,” Alex replied honestly, sniffling and wiping at her eyes. “I feel like we make a little progress, you let me in, you share a little bit, and just when I think I’m getting somewhere enough completely block me out, and-“ Alex swallowed hard past a sob struggling to make its way out of her chest “-and it really hurts Liv.” 

She was wrapped in Olivia’s arms in an instant, warm and safe and strong and she let herself cry, inhaling that familiar scent of Olivia’s soap and laundry detergent. It was comforting and it made her heart ache. “I’m so gone for you Liv. I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to sweetheart,” Olivia murmured into her hair, and Alex felt a kiss being pressed to her temple, a strong, steady hand rubbing up and down her back while the other arm was wrapped tight around her waist.

They stood there in silence for a few moments before Olivia pulled away, their eyes locking. Alex sighed when she felt Olivia’s hands cup her cheeks, her thumbs wiping at the tears that were still falling. 

“I’m so sorry that I’ve been making you feel like this,” Olivia said softly, her voice breaking slightly. Alex watched as she swallowed repeatedly before she continued. 

“I’m bad at this, opening up, trusting people, and you’ve been so good to me, so patient. You never pushed, I guess I just got comfortable with that.” 

Alex nodded. She understood, she knew how hard it was to lower the walls they built for the outside world. The walls they had been forced to build. And she knew Olivia especially had more than her fair share of demons. 

“I can’t promise that it’ll happen right away,” Olivia continued, her voice heavy with emotion but sincere. “But I promise that I will work on not shutting you out anymore. You have my word, Alex. I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re just… you’re more than some sort of late-night pit stop, and I need you to know that I love you, I love you so much, Alex.” 

“I love you too Liv,” Alex replied, sighing when Olivia pressed their foreheads together, their noses nuzzling slightly. “And I promise I’ll continue to be patient with you. I know it’s not easy baby, and I know I’m going to be able to fix anything. But I want to be able to help you when you’re hurting. You’re so strong for everyone all the time Liv, it’s time for you to let someone else be strong for you, at least once in a while.”

Olivia sighed, nodding before pressing forward. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Alex replied, sighing contentedly when Olivia’s lips met hers. She tasted a little bit like basil and a little like wine and a lot like Olivia and Alex let herself melt under the comfort and warmth of the kiss. 

Everything was going to be ok. Not right away, and she had a feeling this wouldn’t be the last time they had this talk. But for now, in Olivia’s arms, surrounded by her arms and her love, Alex knew that everything would be ok. 

They would be ok. 


End file.
